Here it is, the final episode. Even if no-one ever draws this it was a fun bit of writing, and it was nice to take an idea from start to finish in less than a month and produce 144 pages of script.
If there is anyone out there that wants to draw this, buy it, make it into an opera, a play, or a minor motion picture, then let me know.
UTTERLY RUCKED 24Art by Guy 'Go Canada!' Landry
by David Tulloch
Reprise the panel from the end of last time, Patton and Burnsie behind Mel, who is crouched by the body of Wayne. Mel has a hatchet in her main hand, and another weapon (a dagger?) in her other hand.
"I'm sorry I killed you, Dad. "
She swings around, swinging the hatchet at Patton and Burnsie
" ... but I'm happy to kill you bastards."
Patton jumps (or falls) back out of the way of Mel's swing. Burnsie, to his own surprise, grabs the hatchet by the handle with one hand, stopping Mel's swing.
Burnsie: Holy crap! I caught it ..."
However, while he gloats about what he's done to the weapon in Mel's right hand, he doesn't see the dagger coming that stabs him in the hand holding the hatchet.
Burnsie; "... did you see that, Mate. I caught the fucking thing with my ... hand!!"
Part 24, Final Whistle
By David Tulloch and (your name here)
Mel bashes Burnsie in the head with the blunt end of the hatchet, and he falls away to one side.
Paton: "Mate ... look out!"
Paton leaps on Mel, crash tackling her to the ground.
Mel stabs Patton in the lower leg.
Mel kneeling over Patton, readying the hatchet for a killing blow.
Patel swinging the fireman's axe so it knocks the hatchet from Mel's hands before it reaches Patton.
Patel: "Do I have to do everything?"
Mel know just has one dagger in hand. She faces off with Patel.
Mel lunges ... Patel parries the blow with the fireman's axe.
The axe and dagger go flying ...
The axe crashes into Patton, not anything sharp though, but a good, solid wallop to the head. The knife gets Burnsie in the backside so it sticks out comically.
Burnsie: "Jesus! My arse!"
Both women are now unarmed. Patel fancies she has the advantage as they face off against one another.
Patel: "Now what are you going to do, killer?"
Mel: "Well, gee, inspector ... "
Mel takes a small flick-knife out from the small
Mel "... I always carry a backup."
Mel lunges, Patel does the classic grab the thrusting arm thing.
They wrestle and fall together.
Mel frees her arm ... raising it to strike, but Patel is reaching out for Burnsie's butt dagger ...
Large frame as Mel plunges the knife into Patels' side and Patel stabs Mel in the chest.
(need sound effects)
Mel falls to the floor, dying. Patel stands there, stoically. Patton and Burnsie stand (a bit shakily due to their wounds) looking. Cheryl is still handcuffed, but tries to get to her dead daughter.
Patton: "Holy shit!"
Burnsie: "That was intense."
Cheryl: "My baby! My baby"
Patel kicks Mel as a way of checking she's dead. Cheryl is near, crying. Also have groaning sound effects from some unknown people ... it could be Davies, Wayne, or one of the other lads, we don't find out.
Burnsie: "So it's over?"
Patel: "Looks like it. She's dead."
Patton: Can't say I expected this when I signed up for the tour."
Cheryl (off): "Oh god! ... someone get me out of these handcuffs!"
Unknown (off): (groaning noises) glurk-kle! ca-gak!
Burnsie, Patton and Patel, arms around each other, begin to walk out of the room. Close in on their faces ... then we pull out over the course of the remaining panels.
Burnsie: "You know, mate, at the end of the day rugby was the winner."
Patton: "How'd you work that one out?"
Cheryl (fading, off): "Somebody call an ambulance!"
Unknown (fading, off): ka-kurrgh."
Burnsie: "Well, you blokes never got to play a game. Which was just as well, as I heard you were bloody shite."
Patton: "Fuck off, we were a great team. Would have won every match."
Burnsie, Patton and Patel walk (or rather limp) arm in arm down a hallway toward an open door with light shining from outside. Three small panels to start with, then a big one to finish.
Burnsie: "Nah, we would have wasted you."
Patton: "Speaking of wasted, how about I buy you a large drink or ten, Inspector?"
Patel: "I'll take you up on that, Patterson. I think it's time I was off duty."
Burnsie: "You realize he's just trying to get you drunk so he can get a leg over."
Patel: "Good luck to him with that leg."
Patton: "That sound's like a challenge."
Large frame to end with, of the three walking off into the light of outside through a doorway ... there are multiple speech bubbles that trail off (get smaller and smaller in text size) to show them fading out of hearing.
Patel; "If either of you is up for it after ten shots I'll surrender my virtue without a fight.."
Burnsie (fading): "I'm keen."
Patton: (fading) "Twelve shots of what? Are there rules?"
Patel: (fading more): "Scotch. Straight up."
Burnsie (fading more) "Can we have ice?"
Patel (fading more): "Sure. Why not. All the ice you want."
Patton (fading more): "Then I may suffer from hypothermia, but I'm going to nail you, inspector."